I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
