dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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