Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
