all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
