If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
