He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
