omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
