I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
