I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
