god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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