My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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