bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
