I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
