the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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