You work out of a Hotel?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
