it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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