I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
