Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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