Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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