We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
