I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
