When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
