So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
