Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
