I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
