I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize