Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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