he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
