he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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