i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
