some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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