I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
