I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
