I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
