I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
