yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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