Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
