haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
