How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
