Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
