Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
as a side note pls kill me
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
