You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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