The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
