That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
