I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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