Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
