You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
