I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
