His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
