i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
