What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
