I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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