Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
