every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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