when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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