if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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