Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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