I just pynch a tree in the face
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
