why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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