My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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