If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
