): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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