got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Swine flu is the new snow day.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Randomize
