party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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