rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
