I cannot find my penis.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
