why didn't you poke me back
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
