Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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