i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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