I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
