honey bunches of taint.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
