you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
