pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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