well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My pussy is not your playground.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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