and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Naked Twister starts at high noon
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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