I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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