I'm going to rape someone's good day.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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