Only a mothe r could love this liver
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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