She announced her abortion via fbk
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im holly from the hills drunk
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Randomize
