the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize