I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
