And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
