I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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