It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
