Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm both gender and math confused
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
