i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
