You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
