She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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